My boss handed us two black and white striped bags. She locked eyes with me and my fellow intern, a serious expression on her face. “This is to show you can be a girl and be in computer science, too,” she said. “You don’t have to pick between being a woman or being in CS.”
We peered inside the bags and shrieked with excitement, alarming a man working in the room. It was a whole set of Sephora—bright red bottles of Tower face mist, a Laneige lip set in lemon, a bottle of Olaplex.
It might seem silly to count this as one of my most impactful experiences in tech. But it was one of the few times I felt seen in the workforce.
I work on a team with 15 men. My boss, Molly, my fellow intern, Tiffany, and I are the only women on the team. This is a marked increase from my other team, where I am the only woman. Being in situations like these, as the sole female, can lead to unique dynamics.
I’ve attended meetings where I have walked into a room and immediately felt like “the other.” It’s the way they turn to face you, surprised by the sound of the clack of your heels, or eye you like you’ve perhaps walked into the wrong room. When I present, when I explain my work, when I lead, I garner their respect, and I don’t think their surprise is intentional. But it does leave one feeling a little lost.
You have to navigate men who think your kindness at work is a sign you have a crush on them. You are underestimated by your colleagues, not just professionally, but in things as mundane as being picked last for mini golf competitions after work. The men are all good-hearted people. But having a fellow woman on your team can make all the difference.
Molly was one of the few women I’ve seen in leadership in the tech world. The act of handing those little black and white striped bags and her words to us revealed the fierceness with which she must have worked to get her position. She is someone who takes what she deserves and speaks up; she is bold and driven. She doesn’t wait. Getting to where she is, a senior position in the company, could not have been an easy feat. Acts as small as a Sephora bag, or inviting us to lunch, give us women interns a sense of community.
There is, perhaps, no deep lesson to that small black and white bag. Rather, it’s a moment in time, a rare snapshot of thoughtfulness and an acknowledgment that few of us get, that it is okay to be feminine and be a programmer. It is okay to wear bright skirts when everyone else wears grey t-shirts. It is okay to stand out, and she did it and so we can do it too.
If you are a leader, I’ll ask you to look around. Are there two young interns who could use a reminder that they belong?
If you are just beginning on your path, I’ll tell you this—you may not find your community now, but they are just around the bend. Reach out, lead, and say yes to things. You are a deserving, accomplished woman in CS, and someday, you will hand a small bag back to the next generation, a reminder that they can succeed like you did.
Kathleen Higgins
Kathleen is a junior majoring in Computer Science at Georgetown University. She’s passionate about AI research, currently pursuing her questions at the Johns Hopkins Applied Physics Lab, Georgetown’s Massive Data Institute, and as an AI Fellow at Break Through Tech.